Love List

In the beginning of the year, one of our first community nights was lead by Cait, and it was AWESOME. We each made a “Love List”, which is strangely similar to my favourite game in college, “The Glad Game”. It’s, as you probably guessed, easy to figure out… all you do is list things that you love, things that make you glad. Back in January, my community mates and I each hung up our loves lists on the wall, and 8 months later, I still look at it from time to time. If you don’t have a love list, I suggest making one, because they rock. I know I haven’t updated you all in a REALLY long time, but there have been ups and downs in the past 4 months (as expected), and when I’m feeling the downs, this little Love List hanging by our kitchen helps to remind me of things that I really do love… silly things and people and places. Unfortunately, most of these beautiful things, people, and experiences are ones that I do not have in this context. But anyway, here is that original Love List… the bold selections are things that I still have over here:

BETH KILLIAN’S LOVE LIST- January 2012
Crunchy Leaves
Baseball Fields
The sound of a rock thunking against a big tree trunk
Tap Dancing
Fresh mozzarella cheese
Community Theatre- TOH
Driving silently with a friend
Small tiny music venues
Listening to an album the whole way through for the first time
“House at Pooh Corner” when sung by Mom and Dad
Insects and plants
Planetariums and Museums
Mom and Dad singing anything
First snow angel of the winter
Dance walking and running
Holding other people’s chins
Tsitsikamma National Park
Strictly Speaking
Muffin Day
Cuddle Puddles
Bon Fires
Catching someone or being caught rockin’ out at a stop light
Nana
Comfy Lying
The Weekenders
Merbeth and Merkate
The Cub
Rudolph- The movie and the stuffed animal
Festivals and Parades
Head scratches
Guitars and singing
Imagining things
The smell of Home-Depot
“Resurrection Fern”
Brothers
“Home” themes in music or poems
Ray Cafeteria on a Sunday afternoon Junior Year
Thunderdome and Krista

It’s weird to reread this list, especially since almost everything and everyone on it is still back in the USA. It makes me miss home a lot, but after thinking about it, I realized that there are so many things I love about my new life here. Many of those same things used to make me really angry or frustrated in the beginning. I guess it shows that I really HAVE gotten used to the culture here to a point where I can say I’m generally…happy. That fact alone should go on my Love List.

Anyway, I figured it was time to make a new love list, focusing on the things I love here. Feel free to send your love lists my way… spreadin’ the love is always cool. Here we go:

BETH KILLIAN’S LOVE LIST- AUGUST 2012
Gonzaga Primary School
Washing laundry by hand while listening to music and seeing all of your clothes hung up on the line when it’s finished
The Nandi Family
The Godi family
Singing in Choir
The rare moments when our sink has running water
My housemates
The smell of our laundry powder
SOS children’s village
Long bus adventures
The Indian Ocean
Mwanza
Listening to an album all the way through for the first time
Receiving and sending hand-written letters
Encouragement via prayer by Kelly Hughes
The sing-songy njegere man
Dancing every week with students
Songs written by Caitlin O’Donnell
Hearing the kids in our neighborhood scream “DADA BETI!” instead of “MZUNGU!”
Riding Isaya’s Daladala
Receiving new CDs or music in the mail
Wearing Mu-mu’s
Banana Trees
Playing guitar and singing
Running to Ubungo and back as the sun rises
Getting letters from Leslie
The feeling of the floor of my room on my feet after I sweep it
Loyola students
Chapati
Cooking a legit Tanzanian meal correctly
Playing jenga with students
Understanding a few words of a nearby rapid Kiswahili conversation
njegere na nasi (coconut peas… so good)
Mbullya Mtigi’s crazy antics in class (the tiniest student in grade 3 with the tiniest attention span and biggest sense of humor)
When students call me “Teacha Bertha”
Jacqueline’s husky laugh (a 50 year old Mama trapped in a 9 year old’s body. I’m so lucky to be her teacher)
Catching up with other JVs
Conference call skyping with my whole family
Rudolph… the stuffed animal
Tanzanians’ reactions to my eyebrow ring
The phrase “Jamani!”

I could probably go on for a LONG long time. I could also easily make a “Don’t Love List”, because this experience isn’t just warm and fuzzy sunshine dust. The rainy season sucks. The concept of time and efficiency here is aggravating beyond belief. My role as a white volunteer still begs a lot of questions about what GOOD my presence is actually serving. Primary school students are energy-draining nightmares as much as they are affectionate bundles of life-giving affirmations telling me that this is what I should be doing. But without the bad, there wouldn’t be a good. If I didn’t miss things from home, I wouldn’t be able to recognize the new home forming around me. I’d rather have an up and down experience than a stagnant one, and the past eight months have been anything but stagnant.

And, unfortunately, while “writing blogs” is on my Like List, “buckling down to actually write a blog” is sadly on the not-so-love list. Sorry about the massive delay, but maybe I’ll kick myself into gear more often. All of you are constantly in my thoughts as I continue through this experience… thank you so much for the support and KNOW that I LOVE ALL OF YOU.